wastelandimperiatrix (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wastelandimperiatrix) wrote2022-04-01 01:29 pm
wastelandimperiatrix) wrote2022-04-01 01:29 pm
(no subject)
I don't know where to talk about this, so I'm here. It seems right I should be open about my feelings on my own personal website, but at the same time, a part of me is super nervous about being so honest.
Yesterday was fucking shit. Full stop. I learned my nanny (my grandmother) is currently in critical condition with cirrhosis and heart failure, and it fucking breaks my heart. I love my nanny a lot, and I don't know what I would do if I lost her. It doesn't help that I had to play telephone tag with my family as usual, the circus keeps going. I'm upset that no one told me sooner, but what can you do.
I don't know how the fuck I'm going to visit her, because my partners don't drive, and she lives 40 minutes away with my mother. She was transferred to a different hospital because small towns are unequipped to deal with this kinda thing. I want to see her so fucking badly. I have a lot of regret that I didn't get to see my other grandma (dad's side) before she died, and missed out on a deep reconciliation that we both needed. I don't want a repeat of that. I don't know what I'd do with myself.
This whole situation has me stressed out beyond belief right now, it frightens me, and I've. never really experienced anything like this before (I didn't find out about my other grandma until way long after she was gone, and at that point I hadn't seen her in almost 10 years) I don't know how to cope. I'm scared I'm gonna loose her. I know my cousin is too, but the most we can do is pray for her recovery (and maybe a spell or two?).
I know she's in good hands in the hospital but this situation is just. A lot for me to handle. This year has already been so fucking stressful. I feel super overwhelmed with everything. I hope she's okay.
Yesterday was fucking shit. Full stop. I learned my nanny (my grandmother) is currently in critical condition with cirrhosis and heart failure, and it fucking breaks my heart. I love my nanny a lot, and I don't know what I would do if I lost her. It doesn't help that I had to play telephone tag with my family as usual, the circus keeps going. I'm upset that no one told me sooner, but what can you do.
I don't know how the fuck I'm going to visit her, because my partners don't drive, and she lives 40 minutes away with my mother. She was transferred to a different hospital because small towns are unequipped to deal with this kinda thing. I want to see her so fucking badly. I have a lot of regret that I didn't get to see my other grandma (dad's side) before she died, and missed out on a deep reconciliation that we both needed. I don't want a repeat of that. I don't know what I'd do with myself.
This whole situation has me stressed out beyond belief right now, it frightens me, and I've. never really experienced anything like this before (I didn't find out about my other grandma until way long after she was gone, and at that point I hadn't seen her in almost 10 years) I don't know how to cope. I'm scared I'm gonna loose her. I know my cousin is too, but the most we can do is pray for her recovery (and maybe a spell or two?).
I know she's in good hands in the hospital but this situation is just. A lot for me to handle. This year has already been so fucking stressful. I feel super overwhelmed with everything. I hope she's okay.